****TRIGGER WARNING: sexual violence. I have written the same article, but without mentioning my story of sexual abuse as a child and as a woman or content that has possible triggers.
As the blog writer and creator of Breaking Agreements, I feel the need to talk about where I personally stand as well as where this blog stands regarding this.
My mother always taught me that “you get more with honey than vinegar.” Oftentimes, she’d say this in referring to situations where I’d ask her and someone else for something. My mother also taught me to not curse, blame, raise my voice, or keep fighting when the answer is no.
This is very hard to do right now. I don’t know the right way to write this or how to approach it. Some people can separate emotions from their jobs, politics, and decisions. I am not one of these people. I’ve tried to understand the reasoning behind this bill because that’s what I have always done when I am in disagreement with something. I try to see what may have led up to someone making such a decision or stance on something. I cannot find one with this. I wish I could so that I could approach this conversation from where you are at to discuss this in a way in which those of you may understand.
The thing is that I don’t know if empathy or understanding can influence your decisions. That’s what scares me. Even if I share my story and ask you to think of your mother, grandmother, sisters, daughters, or nieces-I don’t know if any of this will ever reach you. I’m not the first woman who has told their story to reach those who are in agreement with this bill, and I won’t be the last. As you further read, try to read this as if this happened to someone you knew. Chances are, sadly it probably has, yet people like you, who punish women for speaking and voicing their opinions, make it so hard for us to speak about, let alone report.
I was molested when I was six years old. If you think it’s because my parents didn’t watch us closely enough, you’re wrong. They were just 8 feet above on the back deck/porch while I was in the basement. He was an older cousin on my mother’s side. I remember tugging on my mother’s apron on the deck, trying to conjure up the words to describe the pain I was in. I knew something awful happened, but I didn’t know what it was. She assumed it wasn’t anything and waved me away.
I remember I bled, but couldn’t find any cuts. I remember feeling sad that it ruined my dress and I hid it underneath the rest of my clothes in my dresser. I remember holding onto my Winnie the Pooh Bear throughout the night.
I was six. Thank god that awful possibility wasn’t in the picture. But if I was just six years older, it could have been. And there are many who are in that situation. How dare you for making this bill, causing more trauma for little girls and women. How dare you take away that option from victims who had no control over anything in the first place.
I believe that abortion should be a right given to any woman, in any situation, sexual assault or not. I am pro-choice. Furthermore- That wasn’t the only time I was sexually assaulted. Yet, I chose to share that time because it’s just the one that I don’t get questioned about being seductive or causing it because of my age when it happened. Most aren’t reported, and from experience, I understand why. I never reported sexual assault in my life. I have reported assault, and that was an exhausting experience alone. Most women I know who were sexually abused didn’t report it. I am scared for women and little girls right now. I was already scared because rape exists in this world. Now, after reading about this bill, words cannot describe how frightened, frustrated, and angry I feel. How dare you.