* This Post Goes Along With: The Addiction To Pain and The Search For Happiness. When I was living out in California, I decided to visit an intuitive guide, and spiritual teacher. The two of us sat cross-legged on the floor as the pacific breeze swept in from her balcony. She paused, taking a look at the cards spread across the floor and said, “Spirit is telling me that there is a deep lack of trust in life’s experiences. This isn’t about a specific individual, but more of: Is this life safe for me?”
It took time to understand that this life is a safe experience. Time and time again, I still have to root myself in that belief whenever I find myself wanting to control my current situations. There’s no need to. All that does is just creating suffering. Accepting and trusting the present cultivates gratitude.
When we lack trust, we feel unsafe. There is a deep fear of the unknown. In times when we feel unsafe, we search for certainty and stability. Our perception of control, and having to “know” makes our egos feel safe. We cling onto people, places, careers, religion, objects, and beliefs to feel secure. Our egos will seek out something we can always fall back on. This can show up as people, actions, and addictions. We all have our life jackets. When we are in the throws of life, we tend to seek out an escape or something we perceptive as permanent. We want to feel good, not overwhelmed.
We all experience high and low points in our life. In those time we ask ourselves:
“How can things get better than this?”
“How can things get worse?!”
When we are riding the highs, we are often living in the present. Yet, when we are at the lows, we tend to want to crawl out of our skin at the slightest bit of discomfort.
Yet what if the feelings we consider “low” and “high” aren’t categorized as “good” and “bad”? What if they were just feelings? We experience not only these feelings emotionally but also through tears, tension, or fatigue in our bodies. But what if we just feel, without labeling it as “negative.” Because, whether we label the physical and emotional feelings as positive or negative, we still will feel them! And they will always leave.
So why create more suffering by attaching onto the idea that sadness, anger, and grief are “bad”? If we take away the judgment of the feeling, we can look at the state we are in from an observant perspective.
You see, when you realize that life isn’t happening to you, that it is you & and you are part of the flow – nothing can touch you, because you are part of that wave. We are “always in flux”, nothing can break us. Within, we all have a safe place, that energy, where we can retreat to. Yet instead of seeking this, we seek external refuge.
The solution to having a lack of trust in life is: to trust yourself. You are the channel of life itself. You wouldn’t exist if you were not a part of the process of life. If we are life’s energetic force, we’ve got to understand that we will always be safe.
“You are the universe experiencing itself.” -Alan Watts.
Lack of trust also is linked to feeling unworthy. When you lack self-esteem, you lack trust in yourself. Maybe you’re always second-guessing yourself, feeling overwhelmed by options and what choice is right. Or, that other’s voices have a stronger power than your own when it comes to making decisions.
When we feel unworthy, we tend to see the world in black and white. We clearly label our emotions, thoughts, and past experiences as “good” and “bad”. We will put people, experiences, and things up on a pedestal. When what we consider “good” shows up in our life, we will cling onto it tightly. This is because of the deeply rooted belief of “I am unworthy, good things don’t happen to me, this is rare, and I may never experience this again.” We lack trust in ourselves that we can never attract good things again.
Then, the law of impermanence comes along and that “good” thing goes away. Not because you are unworthy, but because nothing is permanent. When we feel like we are unworthy, we will blame ourselves and pick ourselves apart for the thing exiting our lives. This memory cultivates another belief within ourselves that just adds to the evidence to prove that we are unworthy.
A person who values themselves will live in the present and soak up the experience entirely. When the good thing leaves, we accept that it has exited our life, and remain grateful for experiencing it. We don’t fight for it to stay, but instead, we have gratitude and gently let it go. This doesn’t mean we don’t feel grief! Of course, we do-we’re human. But when we have a deep trust in ourselves that we can experience “good” things again, we let go much easier. There’s no resistance, we simply just ride the wave that takes us to the next best thing.
Sure, we still may feel uncertain, lost, and maybe even depressed. However, have trust in yourself that this is not “bad” to feel, it just is. You are allowed to feel sad. You are allowed to feel happy. Don’t let people give you an expiration date on your grief. Maybe that same feeling will hit you out of nowhere years down the road. Yet, this time you just accept it without labeling it and float until the next wave rolls in and takes you on the next journey.
If you are constantly wrestling with your feelings and circumstances you’re going to get exhausted and then retreat or give in to the “lifejacket”. Now, we all do it, we’re human. But we’re also are our own personal hero’s who will surprise ourselves and our strengths from time to time.
Once we recognize that “we are the universe” experiencing itself (which must mean: We are all one), then we become at ease. We begin to trust ourselves because we are life. The things that are tragic, uncomfortable, and shocking is also part of the experience. We are the universe sorting itself out. Trust and self-worth come from knowing that you are meant to be here, and you will always be safe regardless of the present wave that you’re on.